I identify myself as gay even though I don’t believe in a coming out process as we come out every day, in every situation, to every person regularly. For me awakening to and expressing my sexuality within conservative South Asian families was a lonely and terrifying experience.
I came out to my mom at midnight when I was 16. I had recently moved to Manchester, London, to a boys’ boarding school. My mom visited me to cheer me up as I hated my school, especially sharing a room. Everything was new! I had nightmares sleeping in my room so ended up sleeping with my mom. I was waking up quite frequently. She felt that I wanted to say something, so she asked me, “do you want to talk or say something? I just said, “Maa, I am gay.” Her reply was, “tell me something new because I knew it a long time ago.” She kissed me and said that we will talk it out in the morning.
Since then, my journey hasn’t been easy. My dad took years to accept me, I was bullied a lot in school and university. I was a victim of a racial attack and lost my boyfriend at the age of 19. Later, I became a Rotarian to fight for the 2SLGBTQQIA++ communities. It’s hard to be gay, South Asian and brown but I am proud of each label. The one thing that keeps me moving forward from all the struggles is love. Love who you are and what you want to be!!! Don’t let others define you, be your own definition.