I’m proud to be my non-binary self.
My name is Lauren and I use they and them pronouns. I am a parent, an advocate in the substance use and mental health field, and I am a queer and non-binary white settler of Belgian and English descent. My journey of coming out as queer in my early twenties and then as non-binary hasn’t been the easiest but it has made me who I am and proud to be where I am at today. I’ve lost people and I’ve gained community. I’ve felt pain and I’ve felt connection. I’ve been severely rejected due to religion, and I’ve been accepted in the name of love and kindness. Coming out is difficult for many folks and many of us who have had a hard time and painful reactions are just wanting to be seen – I know I do. While I have many points of my coming out experiences that I could share, I want to share a recent piece of my journey.
I love being non-binary and I love the fluidity that it grants me to engage in through what I wear, and how I connect with people and the world. My non-binary identity also means that I’ve experienced violence and malice by being misgendered, excluded, and even kicked out of spaces. Last year I was diagnosed with early stages of uterine cancer. On the long road to understanding what was going on, I experienced medical gaslighting, misgendering, and neglect, particularly in relation to the kind of cancer and symptoms I was reporting. After a ton of self-advocacy, I was finally connected to a queer doctor who saw me, my gender, and my struggles and who finally gave me my diagnosis. The prognosis showed that I would no longer have cancer with a drastic intervention and minimal treatment. While sitting in the surgical wait room prior to this intervention, I remember my gynaecologist coming to the waiting room and telling me that she had just told everyone (the surgeons, anesthesiologist, etc.) to use my they/them pronouns. I walked into that surgical room with several medical professionals discussing my surgery and easily using my pronouns. I remember being overcome with emotions and relief because at that moment I needed to be seen as human and someone scared to face this illness. I needed a moment of respite where I wasn’t always having to be on guard for when someone would inevitably misgender or dismiss my identity. This experience that is still very present for me changed my life in a way I am still trying to capture and understand - some of it painful and most of it gratitude. As a cancer survivor, my goal is to be brave and speak my truth so that others going through this, particularly from the 2SLGBTQ community don’t feel alone when advocating for what they deserve. I am grateful more than ever to be my non-binary self, to be seen, and to keep on fighting for better care and systems.