Coming out has never been easy. Since I was six or seven years old, I knew that I liked girls. My first crush was my Preparatory Teacher when I was in the Philippines. My parents did not know that I was attracted to girls. As time passed by and I went through puberty – things changed. My parents fancied my younger sister because in other people’s eyes she was prettier than me. I did not care about that because all I wanted was to become who I am and to be free. I wanted to dress and cut my hair like other guys because I was not a fan of long hair. I remember when my mom saw me wearing shirts and jeans at school, she scolded me and wanted me to wear what girls usually did at school so that when people looked at us, they will think or view us as prim and proper. After that I wore a dress or uniform skirt to school because I did not want to disappoint her.
After I graduated from college, I had a secret relationship with a girl who lived in the city. We usually texted and called - we had not seen each other in person because I had to hide it, especially with my mom. After a month, we decided to break up because I was really scared that my mom would know about what I had with that girl.
After that moment, I felt like I was in a closet that I could not get out of. So, I had to tell my mom and dad about my real gender without any doubt. My dad accepted the truth that I am gay, but my mom did not. She was against being gay because of our religion. She always said that it was not appropriate for me and then quoted the bible referring to Sodom and Gomorrah. I stood up for myself and fought for who I was. I was not going to be in the closet again.
During the pandemic I stayed in a different city with my sister’s mom and was stuck for two years because of the restrictions. During those days, I finally got the guts to cut my hair, changed my dress style, and got to buy ‘manly’ things like deodorant, hair wax, etc. I got the courage and called my mom through messenger and finally showed her my true self. Since then she has slowly accepted me for who I am and accepted who would be my future partner once I had one. Now she is excited for my future here in Canada.
The coming out journey is difficult because it’s never easy to tell your family how you feel and who you are. But once you get the confidence or guts to shout it to the world, no matter what they say or tell you to do, you finally get to live life as what or who you are. I will never forget the quote that I saw on web that I never really lived until now. “Gender preference does not define you. Your spirit defines you.” —Author - PC Cast