As a kid, I was never really exposed to femininity, and I grew up having guy friends. From head to toe, you'd never see me wear something like a typical girl would wear. Other kids would tease me or ask me if I was a "tomboy," which they really meant as lesbian. I would laugh or go silent. I knew what they meant since I grew up being close to my queer cousin. Additionally, my father would be furious if he saw me hanging out with boys and would tell me that I would grow up like my cousin, which he wouldn’t like. As an only child, I had never felt more pressured and scared than when I heard those words from him.
I was in 6th grade when I started liking a girl and labeled it a girl crush. I felt that way for her for years, and it wasn’t until 10th grade that I realized I didn’t only like boys. The first person I talked to about my crisis was my cousin, and she said that it’s nothing to be scared of, as it’s something our family (on my mom’s side) has dealt with for generations—which is true. It wasn’t hard at all. The one I was worried and scared about was my father. I felt like I didn’t dare to tell him. There were lots of what-ifs in my mind at that time.
Months later, at the start of the new year in 2021, I finally told my father about it during a one-on-one drink. I thought he would be mad, but it turned out differently. It softened me when I heard from him that he accepts me for who I am, and if it’s something that would really make me happy, then he’d support me all the way—as long as I live a good life and am a good person at all times.
Furthermore, growing up queer in the Philippines was hard. Most people saw us as sinful. As part of the community, we were taught to believe that a woman was only for a man, and that we should dress properly based on our gender. We were encouraged to go to church every Sunday, and we were prayed over to become what they thought we should have been. Moving to Canada, a more liberated country, was a great help in finally giving me the freedom to express myself fully without fear of judgement from others, as well as being in a school that fully supports the queer community.