Episode 2: My Impact

Ella Bates

Welcome to episode two of Leadership Vibes, a Centennial podcast that's all about our student leadership. The second episode in the season is all about our mission as leaders and our guests today will share what matters to them. Why? What drives them what really give purpose to how they lead. I want to introduce you to my fabulous guests today, Duja and Harminder. Duja Sebastian is a recent graduate from Centennial College and a licensed paralegal. She's a budding female entrepreneur and she's a devoted mum to two children. We also have Harminder Saini, is a recent graduate of the Centennial College Paramedic program. She's a current student in the University of Toronto's Paramedicine program. If that's not all, you're a courageous paramedic, a passionate volunteer, a driver of mindfulness for her and others Duja and Harminder, I am so thrilled to have you here joining us today. Welcome. Welcome to you both.

Harminder Saini

Hi. Hello. Thanks for having us. Very happy to be here.

Duja Sebastian

Hey, hello, I'm so pumped up today, it's a great opportunity to meet you all. I'm so excited. Thank you.

Ella Bates

Well, we're just as excited to have you on here. But let's get right into it. I'm going to hit you with the biggest question now. I hope you're ready. Ladies. I want to know, in your words, what is leadership? What is it? There's so many books out there. There's so many different definitions of it. I want to hear from your point of view, maybe let's get to Duka to start it all, first of all, sorry, what is leadership to you?

Duja Sebastian

Hello. I was thinking leadership is something that has to be instilled in us, like it has to be born. But I was having a misconception on that. When I joined Centennial College, each and every time I said I'm not a manager, how do I have the leadership quality, but this particular college, which I have joined, has given me the profound feeling that every person is a leader, you do not have to downplay it, you have it buried inside you. We just need someone to knock, bring you out and say, hey, you are a leader. And I am so much happy today to be with you so that I could share. Every one of us are leaders. And all we need is a person to bring us forward. Thank you.

Ella Bates

That's beautiful, Duja, and who are those people? How do others bring out the leadership in us? How do we do that?

Duja Sebastian

We need a person, especially a person who motivates us, who can inspire us. And I found that in my college, Centennial, I joined the Leadership Academy, where I showed my interest saying, hey, I do not have that quality. I feel so much down. I feel I am a follower. And I had Magdalena from the Leadership Academy. She is the leadership architect, and she told me, Duja, you have the leadership in you. You just have to follow your instinct. You have that? And I was able to get that. What is leadership? How do we get that? It has nothing but communication, have a clear vision of what you have inside you. I found that in my college, and I think every one of us will have that moment. All you have to do is wait for the moment. Opportunities always come in. It didn't always knock. There's always a second chance.

Ella Bates

That's beautiful. Thank you, Julia. Harminder, already Duja's talking about the mindfulness. How, what a great side, we're into you there? Harmin, what, is it a mindset? Is it something you do? Is it something that someone drives from you? Are you born with it? What is leadership?

Harminder Saini

So for me with my experience in the Air Cadet program, and also spending some time on military bases, a quote that has gone around so it may be familiar to some people is that leadership is the art of influencing human behaviour to achieve a goal. So I think it's less about, like, sometimes when we think about leadership, we think about this person who stands there and yells at you like a drill sergeant or somebody like a police sergeant, for example. But it's less about that. And it's it's more about your ability to create change, to then do something. So we have a goal usually with leadership, whether you are a manager, your goal in leadership is to lead your people to meet certain goals and bring in certain money and a certain amount of consumers in something like that. Whereas leadership in other situations can be more about participation and community involvement and doing things better. So I think leadership is, is this art of influencing. It's not really like standing and making change 100%. But it's not only you are allowing there to be chang but also you are creating change for other people. So those people also want to create change, if that makes sense. It's kind of just like a wave, where these people will then decide that, wow, that's really interesting. And they themselves will become leaders. And it's kind of a hierarchy, there, there may be somebody at the top, depending on what system you're kind of working in, volunteering with. But it kind of just goes down and snowball effects and goes down to the lowest people. And even they are leaders amongst amongst themselves.

Ella Bates

Wow, really great descriptions. And, you know, you're talking there and visiting this, the wave, the snowball, and you're both right, it has impact on many, many people, what you do. And to kind of summarise, what you're saying, it's like guiding and influencing people to where they want to be and be the best version of themselves. And like you say, Duja, you got to be the person to help people recognise that within themselves, because without a title, we making assumptions that we're not leaders, whereas in fact, we all lead as an everyday circumstances. I love that. So this brings us really beautifully into the side of leadership, like you say, it's the art of influence that impacting others, I would love to hear how many, let's start off with you here. Give me an experience, if you can think of one that comes to mind where you know you've had an impact on other people with your leadership qualities, with how you are as a leader.

Harminder Saini

Perfect. So again, I'll come back a lot to the Air Cadet program, because that is a lot of leadership, it's where I think I grew a lot and had a lot of confidence and growth. And it's just generally leadership experience. So from there I was, I was chief of my squadron. And even at smaller places, like camps, the quote that I always used to say was to compete with yourself from yesterday. And I never really realised my impact until other, other units also, were kind of hearing that from other people, or in general, my unit carried it along. So that's just I know, it's just a sentence. But I would say that generally, my whole seven years working in the Air Cadet program really showed that even when you do leave, you still leave an impact. So with programs that, you're supposed to pass things along, and what you put in, you get out, it's easier to see your impact. Because when you leave and you come back as a visitor, you come back as a guest, you're able to see, oh, I started that or that's a that's a mindset that I tried to adopt. And that's how I tried to influence that team. So for me, it would be be being able to come back to the unit and seeing how, how these individuals still compete with ourselves from yesterday, even people that I don't talk to for years, when they reach out randomly, they're like, oh, I was thinking about you when, when I had done this or took this opportunity took this job opportunity. And it's also very similar to what Duja was saying, in the sense of, you need to be that person to kind of influence them. But as much as you need to be the person to influence them to find themselves, they also need to know that it's within them to do it. Because I think that growing up, I used to look towards people and I didn't know how to separate myself from them. So for me, a lot of it was my sister. So I'd look up to my sisters. And then when I'd be separated from them, when they would go to work when they would go to school, I was like, Wait, who am I now? And then, so, I really try and adopt the the idea that it's competing with yourself. So as much as I can see your potential, I want you to see your potential so much that you continue to see your own potential and you continue to work without me. Because you should be just as strong as you are with me than you are without me. That's the kind of the relationship I want to build, the mindset, the, the, just the neuroplasticity in your head where you where you first go what you first think I want that to be very similar with or without me so that you're able to, to keep on going and, and be like, and self sustained to an extent, too.

Ella Bates

Wow, I have so many thoughts on that. Harminder, are you ready?

Harminder Saini

I am! I'm always ready.

Ella Bates

So my, my first statement, and Duja, jump in here as well. And what you think there. I want to take from what you've just said there is that you're actually giving people the tools that they need to lead themselves. So Leadership isn't just about leading others. But here, let me hand down these great tools that I've got from my leaders and giving them the ability to see it. So would you say it's fair to say if we use the metaphor, if you've held a mirror up to themselves, they can really see themselves in the best light?

Harminder Saini

I think that's exactly it. It's not really about only being there and only being able to support them while you're there. Because the reality is people come into our lives for specific reasons. And that's the whole reason that I love the job that I do. I have a very small amount of time with people usually, especially with my patients. And if I can give people the tools even if it is mindfulness, how to get out of a panic attack, how to deal with pain, how to breathe through things that are difficult, these kinds of things. I want them to be able to do it when I'm not there. I would like them to leave my care. I want people to leave relationships, friendships with me knowing that they learned something, that they were better off with even one sentence or even, even if they don't leave better off, they still had comfort with me. But for them to also know that that comfort is within them. So I really think it's, it's really about giving them the tools to continue to do that with or without me, because we are very strong on our own. And sometimes we just need to realise our capabilities and have that person believe in us. But they need to believe in us enough that we also believe in us, it's really about you, at the end of the day you are in your own head, you have the biggest relationship with yourself. So you're going to have these people in your life come and show you that that you are worthy, and that you are smart, and you are capable. But you have to remember that without them, too. Because when you're in a dark corner, and you don't know how to get out, sometimes other people aren't going to be there. And it's, it's you that has to pick yourself back up.

Ella Bates

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that, Harminder, very impactful. Duja, what kind of impacts have you had in the past? I'm sure it's gonna be hard to just pick one now. And especially with being an entrepreneur, being in the legal industry, and also being a parent, that you're wearing so many different hats of leadership. I'm really excited to hear your story.

Duja Sebastian

Thanks a lot. I feel I was up for follow. And I was meaning it very sincere from my heart. I did not want to go on spotlight, even to speak to people to say like, I have a quality, but I did not have the guts to even stand up for myself and say, hey, I could feel inside me, am I a leader? Am I? Is that? Is it something that has been, some people have that quality, it's being born with it. But that was changed only in few years. And that brought me as an entrepreneur, before I would always be taking a role where I always share my ideas. But I would never go and say, hey, this is the idea that I shared, even that much I wouldn't speak, I would always say hey, you take the lead. These are my ideas. And being even an entrepreneur, I didn't want to be, I always wanted to work in a law firm, and just live my life like that. It was a great change in my life. Last year, when I joined Centennial College, they said, hey, leaders are not born, they are made, you have to come out of that comfort zone, you have to prove yourself, we have to see that you can be better every day. And I surely instilled inside me, we first have to have the confidence in us and have the trust that I can do some kind of changes in others life. If I do not have that trust, that doesn't go into others, no one is going to believe me. And I found that very well when I started off my career. When I had that confidence, I was able to build relationships, I was able to communicate myself. When there was crisisl last year, when the pandemic came, all of us had lost hope. I was still able to stand there and tell everyone there is light in the end of the tunnel. Nothing else goes when everyone are always scared. A leader inside us has the kind of electricity tell people hey, this is not something you need to hide yourself. Corona, COVID, anything cannot do anything to us if we have the confidence in us. And I was able to find that in myself.

Ella Bates

So here's the biggest question, Duja, you're right when in times of fear and challenge and obstacles, we look to other leaders for that hope for the ideas, the tools like you were talking about before, Harminder. How do you keep that self confidence? Because that's a leadership quality in itself, isn't it? How do you say to yourself, I'm going to be confident in that, what tools do you use, Duja? What techniques and qualities do you think you have that helps you to maintain that confidence?

Duja Sebastian

The main thing I would say would be I always like to listen to people. Like when you start listening to people around you, that creates a kind of, kind of a leadership, people trust in you. So first listen to people around you, acknowledge the goodness in the people. We always shy around to say hey, you have this quality. Ella, you have a wonderful voice and that can motivate people. We do not say to people the, what, the goodness that they have in them. So what I do is I say hey, you have this wonderful quality, you have, you keep smiling. The ones, your smile is contagious. If you are happy, everyone around you is happy. You provide the positive vibe in others. You motivate, empower people and tell them, hey, that particular energy will motivate them and they say they can do it. We always have that fear. Can I do it? Yes, if you have a person to support you, to empower you, to delegate the task, then you are going to shine out well from the other people, and show that, that particular quality that everyone says, Hey, that is the quality I've seen.

Ella Bates

And I love that you're giving feedback to other people, sharing what's great that they can't see, back to that mirror from Harminder. Here's what I see from a third party standpoint, I can see these wonderful qualities in you. Capitalise on them, love them. Use the strengths to succeed in all areas of your life, it's really easy, isn't it for us to give feedback to other people. But how do you get feedback from others? Let me give you a bit of context into this, we make our assumptions from the impact that we can see that we're having on other people, but we have to elicit that, we have to go out there and ask for it. Because sometimes we aren't aware of what that impact is. So My bigger question is, let's go to Harminder first of all, how do you or how do you intend to? Or how have you in the past? So many questions. So, Harminder, elicit feedback from others? How do you go about asking that question?

Harminder Saini

Well, I think it also depends on what job you work. So for me, it's really different because I'm able to play in that "I'm new" card. And I definitely do because it's very difficult to ask people who are your regular partners, or that you meet at the station, to ask them for feedback, because at the end of the day, that's not their job. Their job isn't to be my mentor, their job is not to be a field training officer. They have different people in the service to do that. But sometimes it's difficult for me to remember that these people don't have those jobs. So I try and find a way to get feedback, and I kind of mask it in the hey, I'm new. So let me know if you'd like me to do things a specific way. And also, since I'm new, I'd love to hear any feedback that you have in my clinical practice, in my driving, those are two really, really big things that we do, I don't want to hit too many curbs with people in the back. So I try and mask it with the, I'm new, I'm kind of clueless, which is true to an extent. But I just want people to tell me things. And I think that's the biggest thing is, we live in a world sometimes, especially in close knit work environments, or even school where everybody will formulate an opinion about you. But then nobody tells you. So I think that is both in the good and the bad, which, which we had mentioned a bit. So I think it's good in the sense that people need to be having conversations and be able to tell you that you're doing something really well and that you're thriving in a specific environment. But in terms of the stuff that you may not be doing well, those are things that people normally don't talk about, which I think we were afraid of it, we're shy of not being perfect at something. And I think that's something I struggled with. I'm terrible with it. Sometimes I go into things, and I'm like, what, I'm not perfect at this very new thing that people have been doing for years? Or I'll compare myself to people that have been on the road for six or seven years. And I'm like, how did they think of that? How do they do that. And so I feel like a lot of the time I compare and wonder why I'm not amazing at something. And I think if we in our school environments, for example, if we embraced the attempt more than we did the mark and the outcome, I think we would have a lot of better mindset. And we'd have a lot more individualistic children and people who really want to inspire and do things and try and mess up and scrape their knees and try the monkey bars. And it starts with childhood, where people are exploring all of these really interesting things. And you're always told, Don't do that. Don't do that. And then you kind of get to university, and it's like, oh, you can kind of spread your wings a little bit. And then you never really know what to do. So I think if, if as leaders and even as parents, which I know some listeners will be, it's about allowing your kids to, to make mistakes. It's about allowing people who you're mentoring to make mistakes, and also embrace the fact that mistakes will happen, accidents will happen. Because the more we are, the less we are afraid of making these mistakes and just putting ourselves out there and trying, the more we're going to actually be able to accomplish in my opinion.

Ella Bates

That's very, very powerful, very, very impactful, there, Harminder, thank you for sharing that. And you're right. Practice is a beautiful thing. Trying is a beautiful thing. And we have to fail lots and lots of times to perfect anything, or master anything, or even get even a little bit good at something. We have to practice, and and you're right, given ourselves permission to have the space to try and fail miserably and try and fail not-so-miserably and try and get it good and try and get it great and try and get it perfect. And try and be the master. I love that. And what I want to rewind for a second here is we've talking about formal feedback in the workplace. And you're right, and in the college space or in the school space, it is the feedback from the assignments that you putting in. But my bigger question to you both is does that have to be formalised? Does it have to be the manager that gives the feedback. Does it have to be the parent that gives the feedback? Does it have to be the teacher that gives the feedback? Can we, in an informal scenario, elicit feedback from others? Want to put that out there as a new perspective for, for you both and the listeners here. Can we just elicit feedback from anyone? And is there a way of doing that that's safe and vulnerable and showcases that you want to better yourself? Better the situation, for example? Duja,  is there a situation where you may have in your personal life as an example, asked for feedback, whether or isn't a formal feedback system?

Duja Sebastian

I would say that feedback can come from anyone who I feel comfortable. For me, it could be my friend, I have come to Canada, I have immigrated. And for me, the college was like a family. I do not have any siblings, friends, anyone. The college was my family. When I joined after a few, quite a big, as a mom, and then coming back as a student, it has impacted a lot. So I looked at different diversity of students who had given me feedback. They said you could have bad, like, what are the drawbacks? Like how Harminder  was saying, it's not wrong in saying I made a mistake, they can correct us, they could give you feedback, they could have told, hey, this is something that you are better at, or this is what you lack. So I don't think that it has to be of a higher person in a level. It could be even your colleagues, it could be anyone around you, who could just give you a feedback by asking them, hey, am I good at this?

Ella Bates

I think you brought up a really great point there, Duja, we shouldn't just ask for feedback for what we're doing wrong. Ask what I'm doing right? What do I do that you love as a friend? Because I want to keep doing that for you, friend. What do I do as a mom that you guys really like? Because I want to keep doing that. Oh, I love it when you bring out the puzzles. All right, I'm going to do more of that. Hey, partner, what do you, what do we do on date night that you really love? I really, really like it when you suggest a great restaurant, you know, I'm gonna keep doing that. We can ask for feedback. And this is part of self leadership and leading others. We're role models in the questions that we ask, and the statements that we make. And we can elicit feedback from anywhere. That can be from the postman, the mailman, bring it to your mail, is it okay, that our mailbox? Is there? Would it be helpful for it to be somewhere else? Actually, it'd be really helpfulif it was at the bottom of the stairs, you know, Mr. mailman, I'm going to do that for you. Right? Just asking, we can ask for feedback in all areas of life. Because to your point Harminder, everything's about growth. What can we do to better our lives, a situation or the people, ourselves? Our day, our month our year? Other people's impact, how they can impact other people, we can ask for feedback in many, many places. Are you okay If I stand here? Actually it'd be really helpful if you stood there. Okay, great, I'm going to do that. Giving space for making change is really quite a beautiful thing. And I love these experiences that you shared on how we're impacting others. My last question for you guys here is, and it's quite a big question. So I want you to take a moment to just think about this. And listeners, I invite you to think about the same answer as well. I would love to know if you were to help other people create impact for people around them, their family, their friends, their peers, their colleagues, people on social media, people who they are formally leading, or not formally leading, coaching, etc. How did they create impact for others? Duja, do you want to start us off here?

Duja Sebastian

Yes. How could you create a great impact? Contribute the positivity in everyone, have a positive vibe. If you have that, you will be contributing a positive energy around the people, you will boost their morale, you will be able to support everyone's journey to a healthier life. You can, you can say, hey, I cannot do everything. But we should not refuse to do something that we all can do. So I request everyone to not say that, what do I have to do? You can bring a small change in everyone's life. Bring that change. It could be your wonderful smile that you carry on. It's a lovely draw that you have that could take away someone's sadness, be that happiness. We are all here to make a small change. We don't have to bring a big change in everyone's life. A small little change that could create a wonderful surroundings around us.

Ella Bates

Wonderful, Duja. Thank you. Harminder, what's in your toolbox?

Harminder Saini

What's in my toolbox is actually a tad bit different from what Duja was saying. And I think for me, I've really realised being on the road and working with new people is that life is just really, really short. Life is short, big things happen. Life escapes you, school escapes you. I remember starting Centennial yesterday. And even just recently, the new Centennial students started. I was like, wait, wait, wait, no, like, I'm still a Centennial student, but I'm not. So life is short, things are going to run away from you. You're going to start a job and you're going to forget about this. This initial excitement. The first time I saw the Centennial lab and the mannequins I was like, oh my god, this is so cool. And now I work with real people. So it's or not remembering how to do a basic set of vitals. And now I do it while asking the questions that I can never remember to ask. So it's, life is, life is short, things are gonna whip right past you. And I think with that, we have to realise that life is too short to not give feedback to other people, to not tell people you love them, to not tell them the good bad, the ugly, the grey. But I think the biggest, biggest thing is also to be vulnerable. And Duja, you were saying a lot about being positive, but I kind of want to turn it a bit. And also just say, be human, be yourself. Be sad, if you're sad, be happy, if you're happy, be angry, if you're angry, we have all these amazing emotions. And we don't have to be afraid of them. Because anger comes in passion sometimes. I'm very, very passionate about what I do as for work, but then I get really angry when I see something not done properly. And it's hard to see anger as a good emotion. But it is. If we're angry about something, it's because something is upsetting us, it's because something is going against our values. And I think that life's too short to also be small, to, I get told I talk a lot and I used to be so insecure about talking a lot and being a big person and, and taking up space. And the more that like I grew into myself, the more other people grew, I was able to enjoy this fire inside of me and enjoy the the explosion of a human that I am. And I want to bring that out in other people and really just realise this really small impact of, you have a beautiful smile. I love your shorts. I love these pants. It's something that is so small, but you don't really realise what people are going through and, and this job has given me a very, has changed my perspective in life in a very small amount of time that I've been on the road. I'm excited to see what I'm going to learn in the next coming years because there's just so many people I have yet to interact with. And so many people I've yet to meet, so many perspectives I've yet to hear and adopt. But the biggest, biggest thing is just be vulnerable. Be human, be yourself. That's what a leader, that's what people go towards. Because if we act like we're okay all the time, if we put on this facade, that everything is fine, people are less likely to share things with us. Even for me, it's weird. Sometimes you have a patient who's dealing with anxiety and is having a panic attack. And you're like here, this is what I do when I have a panic attack. And sometimes they'll have partners like me, like you're supposed to be trusted by your patient. And so you talking about your mental health may be a bit taboo, which I agree with to an extent, I think there's a professional way to talk about how you deal with your own issues and your own impact. But I really think that having somebody that these people do trust, right, people do have a trust in paramedics and first responders and healthcare workers. If I am telling you, hey, when I have a panic attack, I try and do box breathing, I inhale, I hold, I exhale, I hold, or here's some resources that I've used. These are YouTube videos. No, we did yoga with Adrienne a little, we went to the leadership retreat. Yoga with Adrienne, guided sleep meditation, there's all of these things that when you share them with people that you work with, and you are vulnerable about the things that you struggle with, we're just able to accomplish more, and it's less about, I'm telling you these things and you're going to be better, Oh no, you're going to be better? I don't want you to be better. It's not about that. It's about us working as a collective, it's, it comes back to what leadership is, it's influencing human behaviour. That doesn't mean influencing human behaviour so you look like the good guy. It's, it's influencing it for people to be happier and be kinder and be more loving and compassionate and open minded and just be more human.

Ella Bates

Harminder, very, very, very powerful words. I just want to repeat one line, because I think it's, it's well worth repeating here and I don't know whether these are your words, and they asked somebody to put it in, in inverted commas and patent this, enjoy the explosion of human that you are. Wow. Harminder, Wow,

Harminder Saini

Those are my words. I think this is my quote to fame. Maybe when I write a book, I'll put it in. I'm not sure yet.

Ella Bates

You heard it here first, listeners. Enjoy the explosion of human that you are is the title of a book coming in the year. Insert year here.

Harminder Saini

I'll make sure to put a special special acknowledgement in the beginning part to this to this exact podcast.

Ella Bates

You heard it here first, listeners. Wow. So many in powerful insights, different perspectives. And Harminder is absolutely right. As you are, Duja. Your authenticity is very powerful. People are watching you today, children, your sisters, your peers, your fellow colleagues, your professors, and everyone's having an influence on everyone. The great news is you can ask what that impact is, what the influence is, and how you can do more of it. Because when we all do beautiful things, to Harminder's point, it has this beautiful wave, this impacts and can affect many, many people from the small things like Duja says, from the smile on my face to huge, big, impactful things, everything has an impact. Ladies, it's been my absolute pleasure to have you on the podcast today. You really appreciate your time. And thank you listeners for joining us for episode two of Leadership Vibes. In our very next episode, we will discuss the skills that leaders need to be super effective, what they are, how to grow them, and how we experience them truly in action. We're going to talk to student leaders who have been very very intentional about growing that skill, so make sure to subscribe to the Centennial College Podcast on SoundCloud, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and Spotify. Until next time, be great.