Michael Jackson famously sang about being hit by a smooth criminal and by all accounts that’s exactly what someone attempting to break the law should be: discrete and smooth. But no matter how smooth someone is the law typically catches up to them.
Now imagine how much quicker the law catches up to those who are the exact opposite of smooth and discrete. While Marv and Harry from Home Alone immediately come to mind, here is a look at some of the real life silliest criminals of recent years.
The Polite Bank Robber
In 2010, a man named Albert Bailey and a juvenile accomplice decided to rob a bank in Connecticut. The polite pair decided they wanted to give the bank lots of time to get the money ready to, you know, make the robbery more efficient. So, they called ahead to let the bank know they were coming to rob it. Minutes later, Bailey sent the accomplice into the bank with a note (just in case the bank was waiting for another robber). By that time, the employees had the police on the phone and, after handing over some cash, they sent the robbers right into the arms of waiting police officers.
The Snapchat Mishap
Christopher Wallace is a 22-year-old from Maine who shares a name with the famous rapper better known as Notorious B.I.G. But while Biggie rapped about his crimes, this Christopher Wallace Snapchatted his. You see, after young Wallace stole a propane cooking stove and a cast-iron wood-burning stove from a campsite in 2015, he retuned home and used Snapchat to tell the world that he was back with the stolen goods. When the police came to search his home, he hid in a cabinet and then…Snapchatted it. Seriously.
Wrong Getaway Car
In 2015, a British Columbia drunk driver pulled his vehicle over beside a car, jumped in and muttered, “Get me outta here, buddy. Cops are everywhere tonight.” The only issue? He had jumped into a police cruiser. It made the cops’ job a lot easier because the man got no sympathy for his all-too-late decision to catch a cab. Never, ever drink and drive.
The Romantic Criminal
New Mexico police arrested Matthew Crowder last November in connection with a theft at a local consignment store. But it wasn’t a difficult arrest because prior to robbing the store, he handed over his business card to the clerk — in an attempt to solicit a date. He then stole several items including a pearl necklace. He was probably going to give it to the clerk on their first date.
The Political Pyro
I was kind of torn about adding this guy to the list. In October of last year, home security camera footage from the home of Kevin Leighty, who lives in Wisconsin, caught a man only wearing his boxer briefs using a blowtorch to set fire to a Donald Trump campaign sign on his front lawn. When Leighty and his wife checked the camera, they quickly realized the man was their neighbour. After they called the police, the Leightys confronted their neighbour about his act of mischief. Arson is never okay but in this case, at least he was on the right side of history.
While it’s fun to laugh at the not so smart criminals, if you take law seriously, consider launching your career through Centennial College’s Law Clerk program. The offering not only teaches practical knowledge and includes a field placement, but the Institute of Law Clerks for Ontario (ILCO) also approves it, signalling to employers a high standard of learning.
By Izabela Szydlo