As a young boy, the other children at school identified me as being gay before I even understood what that meant. At the time I just knew “being gay” was something to feel ashamed about and that is was “bad.”
As time passed and I entered my awkward teenage years I tried to blend in, but was often bullied and ridiculed by my peers based on the perception that I was “too feminine.” By that time, I knew I was different, but growing up in the Catholic school system I knew those differences would not be embraced and accepted and I never felt safe to explore them further. So, I suffered in silence, living a life of repression and denial. After high school I made the decision to move away from home to attend university and I specifically choose a school where I didn’t know anyone so I could have the opportunity to start fresh and try to figure myself out.
University was my first exposure to others who were open, proud and unapologetic about their sexuality. For the first time I felt hopeful. About a month into first semester I kissed another guy and something clicked in me and I was able to truly accepted my sexuality for the first time. The internal dialogue, fear and paralysis that had once consumed and held me back disappeared. It was finally time to rewrite and reclaim the narrative that had been written for me. I finally knew who I was and it was nothing to be ashamed of. From that moment on there was no turning back.