Fear is something that I carried since I was a kid. Growing up in a religious family that consistently attended church every Sunday, I was taught that being gay was a sin, which made it difficult for me to come out.
For most of my childhood, I hid my sexuality because I was bullied for being different. People often judged the way I expressed myself, the way I dressed, the way I spent my time playing with “boy toys,” and the things I enjoyed. Because of that, hiding became my safe place.
I was 6 years old when I first experienced being attracted to girls. It felt fulfilling in a way I couldn’t explain, but also scary, because I had already learned that it was something I wasn’t supposed to feel. Throughout my teenage years, I forced myself to like and date boys so I could fit in and feel accepted by everyone around me, while secretly liking women at the same time.
But one day, it finally hit me; this wasn’t the life I wanted to live. I was tired of pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I realized that no matter how hard I tried to hide, the truth about who I am would always remain.
I was 16 when I first came out to my friends as bisexual. I felt free and comfortable knowing that I was in a safe space where I could be myself without fear of judgment (at least with them). When I got into a relationship with my then-girlfriend (now my wife), I kept it from my family to protect us from judgment. Three years into the relationship, I finally found the courage to tell my mom and came out to her, only to discover that she had known all along. When I asked how she knew, she simply said, “I already knew since you were a kid, and I accept you for who you are.” Hearing those words brought me an overwhelming sense of relief and acceptance I had carried for so long.
Coming out wasn’t easy. It took me my whole life to find the courage to do it, but it became the first step toward accepting myself and learning that being different is not something to be ashamed of, it’s something to be proud of.
Moving here to Canada felt incredibly liberating.
Coming out didn’t change who I am, it allowed me to be fully seen.